“How to get a man” (Guaranteed) Part One

Novelist Kola Boof reveals very unusual “Tips”  that she says are “guaranteed” to get you the man that you want in whatever capacity that you want him.





Sisters, these steps are CRUCIAL for putting yourself under a man’s skin– they’re also a PSYCHOLOGICAL “trick”—and they work. The core root of any type of love/relationship is “Friendship”, so start by making it a point to amass at least 20 Platonic Male Friends.  Dismiss the whole notion of having a “boyfriend/a Man/big romance”–just desire and cultivate a “Pal System.”
This will help you to do two things:
(1) Expose your personal flaws  to males early (So that some can move away from you or even help you improve on yourself).
(2) Help you “eliminate” any guys you can’t tolerate and would be a waste of time.


FIRST MEET A MAN– don’t ask him what he does for a living or how much money he makes. Just make it clear that you have your own back and put your gaze/smile on HIM (his inside character) like a friend would do.

Let the other girls (your competition) ask him money questions and everything else that has nothing to do with who he is.Trust me, some kind of way, it won’t be long before he slips you the info on his financial status–but thing is, he’ll have a very “fond” mental and emotional view of you because you seem to care about him and not what he has.

Men don’t like to be “used” anymore than we do (although, a lot of what I’m going to tell you is on how to manipulate them–I admit that. But don’t be a stupid bitch. If you’re going to lead pups to what they really want (YOU), then be sweet as sugar and soft; understanding; welcoming.)

Don’t ever act like a “romance novel reader”–gushy, talking on and on about what your big dreams are for love and sharing life with a man.  SERIOUSLY–you need to be “Clinical” and not “emotional” about love/relationships.  Have no expectations, and while being “friendly, approachable & vulnerable” towards males, Don’t ever act like you don’t already have a man. Don’t act available–but be very cheerful, open and don’t be afraid to ever show vulnerability. OK, you’ve “cultivated” these platonic friendships with upwards 20 males—now you have maybe 2 or 3 who hint at or ask you on date. Once you have the opportunity to “get together” alone with a guy for a “date” or whatever…immediately inform him that you “Don’t date.”

YOU: “Craig, honestly–I’m not interested in having a relationship or a boyfriend. Sometimes I wish I had a sex buddy, but I’m not even ready for that yet (don’t forget to mention that sex buddy arc). But maybe we could hang out at the park and feed the ducks? That would be fun!”

[If you don’t “Get It”–just read that over a few times until you get it.] If a guy insists on “spending money; a restaurant; movie”—REFUSE unless you’ve already had your first 3 “Psyche” Dates.

Many times, this will SHOCK a guy when you say–“No, I can’t go with you to McDonalds/RedLobster…I don’t like guys spending money on me! But let’s go down to the park and feed the squirrels.”


This is Psychological. It’s not about the events. It’s about him being trained to believe that your interest is strictly HIM indigenously.  He should have this wonderful feeling about you–that your love is free.

 Psyche Dates

Unless it’s Absolutely Survival Induced (gas and lights gotta be paid or some shit). DON’T let a man spend money on you right off bat. If you LISTEN to Kola’s way–then he’ll spend TONS of money LATER.


Your first three DATES should be something like:

**Meeting at the Park (you could have sandwiches & soda)
**Meeting at the PUBLIC LIBRARY and chat (make up a reason!)
**Meet at the BEACH…and “talk” while walking on the shoreline.

These are Psyche Dates–any kind of You & Him as a Duo that is FREE OF CHARGE and focuses on you two forming a BOND.


KOLA’S FACTS OF LIFE: Despite men’s legendary insecurity which leads to videos/magaz. dictating what they “like” and what type girl they want to “USE” to impress the other fellas–despite their bravado over having “Swag” and their Dick-size and not being “punks”to emotions and all that macho MAN shit—truth is–men are just as senstitive & emotional deep down as we are.  They’re not IMMEDIATELY as intelligent as we are–because SEXISM doesn’t allow men to have the “Emotional Range” that females are allowed (for instance women can CRY & HUG other women in public; we’re allowed to analyze and show intense emotion)…but men do have the capacity for it…and if you gain (#1) his trust and (#2) his respect/fondness towards you and (3) You’re “about something”, therefore you’re somewhat interesting to him–then you have a shot at getting him just about any way that you want him.


You’ve always heard Mama say that the way to a man’s heart is a good home cooked meal. Well, she was wrong. The way to any man’s heart is through great Blow Jobs. LOL! Just kidding, sisters (*but then again…I’m not.) FOOD is one of the three Nervous System Requirements for a happy Human Being (Food, sex and sleep according to Science), male or female.

So think on this:

A major, crucial trick is to learn how to make at least 5 dishes that your Guy absolutely LOVES—but that no other chick in the vaccinity knows how to make!  Can’t be one or two dishes…it has to be at least 5. In my case, it was like 55. But, believe me, over time, this gives you leverage. If you live around a bunch of Latino chicks, then don’t make it Spanish food. Get him hooked on Chili Cheese Fries covered in Goat Cheese & Russian Shredded Pastrami…if you live in Jackson, Mississippi where every woman can get down on some Soul food…then get him hooked on French Spiced Pork Chops with mint sauce, coos-coos and potatoes with crabmeat topping.

It can be very simple shit as well, but he’s gotta rave it; request it–then you know you’ve come up with a winning dish. Sweet Potato pie with ginger and a bottom layer of cream cheese. Thing is, if he gets “hooked” on your cooking–then he’ll be coming back. Trust me.

The entire 10 years my hubby and I were together–I made his “cereral” from scratch. Every sunday, configured and mixed and bagged his cereal.  I made fresh bread. I made honey wine. My whole kitchen was set up to “ambush his ass”—and he wasn’t allowed to fix shit!

And yes–I am a Womanist/Feminist woman. In my case, I love cooking–so it’s effortless for me. I also come from a Nilotic Sudanese culture that says: “Anything that has babies falling out of its ass should know how to prepare a meal.” But that’s just me. A lot of women hate cooking–and if you’re one of those women, then focus on other areas. But for women who do cook–other than really intense blowjobs, cooking is about your strongest SPADE in the deck for screwing up a man’s “Selection Process” (and trust me, Men have about 300% more mating options to choose from than we women do–so don’t frown on cooking and blowjob skills as manipulation tools if your’e serious about wanting to secure a Man-In-the-House.)


And, of course, hand in hand with great food, men love their dick sucked by someone who appears to LIKE doing it even more than the man wants it. It’s a great way for the guy you love to wake up “some” mornings (with his dick in your mouth.)  Of course, it goes without saying that men should reciprocate –but we’re talking about securing a man right now. Not to be scary–but if a man can fuck you in your face hard–and it seems as though you’re breathing through your asshole, not your nose, while you’re slobbing that knob, then you’ll have a LOT of power of him.

If you’re not the best at Head–you can do things like put a “breath strip Mint” or Listerine strip or something like that in in your mouth so that your tongue slightly TINGLES his penis. Men like you to do “ice cream licks” on the head; pucker and lolipop-smack the mushroom…lick the staff…and Deep Throat, hard. If you can learn to do those motions, plus dart your tongue at say the staff while you’re shining the mushroom head–AND suck on his balls; going back and forth–then you’ll be at least considered “good” at it.

Of course–you can’t just give any guy a blowjob–it has to be someone VERY special to you.  Let’s be clear on that. I don’t think it’s smart to give a guy a Blow Job when you first meet him (or have started the Psyche dating process).  What I always do is make sure that the guys knows that “I like giving head”—but unless I’m just trying to be his “fuck buddy/Mistress/Maid”—I’m not giving him a blowjob until at least the 2nd or 3rd time that we’ve actually made love. And if you really want a Long-Term relationship with a man (arriving at marriage or a serious commitment)…then it’s BEST not to put out for a very long time. Sometimes, people fuck right away and still end up together in a deep relationship, but the odds of that happening aren’t good.  Especially if you’re a Black Woman (because in our community, “Color Code” means many of us are “to be Used for sex” and discarded dependent upon how Africoid our hair, features & skin tone.)

Doesn’t matter if you’re a Beauty or a Plain Girl or even Ugly–men want and respect the challenge of that girl who WILL NOT put out. If you’re trying to be his WIFE, then don’t let a man do anything more than kiss you, rub your soft legs, fondle you. Be sweet–but pull away and firmly shut it down. But if you’re trying to be “Mistress/Maid/Fuck Buddy”–then you can let your creative Rita Hayworth side out and enjoy playing the Whore. (Done “safely” and “intelligently” it’s a lot of fun being a whore, too, and I’m not knocking the girls who are bold enough to enjoy that end of the racket.)

SURFACE (Don’t Do It, Sisters)  Don’t get pregnant…OK!

If you want a chance at a serious commitment leading to marriage–do not let a man get you knocked up. Because more than likely, a man will leave you if you get pregnant and then you’ll have a serious jacked up time getting a “good quality” replacement for his ass. I know how we, as women, think–“A baby will love me unconditionally and I won’t be alone anymore. It will fill up my life…it will look like this man I love so much.”   NO SISTER!

Unless you can feed and clothe and keep a decent apartment–a baby will fuck up your life and seriously slow down your progress in the world.  This is not Africa or a society where babies ARE your life. This is America where the only woman who should think about having a child before age 25 is a MARRIED one.

I was almost 30 when I had my first baby and my Black American Adoptive Mother raised me and my sisters that we were not to have a baby until we were at least 25.  She used to hiss like a viper when teenaged girls passed our stoop with a belly sticking out.

*I had an abortion when I was 17 for the record.  I also lost my virginity when I was 17.

Even when a Boyfriend insists that you get pregnant and that he WANTS and will love and support a baby–your chances of being abandoned are extremely high. Especially if you’re a Black Woman. Don’t do it. Stay baby-free as long as you possibly can, and when you do have a child–make sure that you are financially ready and able to support it by yourself.

Welfare withers the soul and you don’t want that for too long–staying on Welfare can dim your ambition and kill your spirit. GOD BLESS THE CHILD–WHO’S GOT HER OWN.  Don’t have a baby unless you can control everything about that situation.


Whatever your “beliefs” are–whatever your principles  and things you stand for are —NEVER let a man intimidate you into changing your convictions for him. Once you change your convictions for a man–he no longer respects you. Men admire and are in awe of women who have strong convictions about something and demand that their views be respected. Now please be aware…a Woman has a right to change her mind about some things.

For instance–you might really feel inside yourself that you should give up being Christian and become a Jew for your Jewish boyfriend. That’s cool—as long as it’s not HIS ORDERS and it’s truly, honestly and deeply your own desire.  But do realize that you can have a Jewish boyfriend and stay Christian. You can.  Just Tell him he has HIS WAY and you have yours. But whatever you do, don’t let a Man “control” your mind, your decisions,your convictions, your thoughts. INSIST on asserting (in a pleasant way) who you are at the intellectual and spiritual core of yourself. Contrary to public belief…men LOVE strong women as long as they’re not Mean, Bitter and Over-bearing . . . . . READ PART TWO HERE

About Kola Boof

Kola Boof is a Sudanese Best-Selling Author of The Sexy Part Of The Bible and Diary of a Lost Girl. She is also a tele vision writer with Sony/NBC . . . former Muslim, PRO-ISRAEL.



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