“How to get a man” (Guaranteed) Part Two

Novelist Kola Boof reveals very unusual “Tips”  that she says are “guaranteed” to get you the man that you want in whatever capacity that you want him.



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SURFACE (Violence)

Do not ever…under any circumstances...tolerate a Man “hitting, slapping, kicking or beating you. “I was once beaten up very badly by a Nigerian boyfriend in London and was hospitalized. Osama Bin Laden beat me several times–though I was very proud when Vice President of Sudan stated: “Only two women have ever slapped Bin Laden–his mother and Kola Boof.”

Sometimes, I like semi-rough sex (spankings; sex smacks; manhandling). But stuff like that is between two consenting adults in the heat of passion–I don’t count that as violence.

You can never let a man beat You or intimidate you with violence, because once you do–he won’t respect you and he’ll escalate the abuse.  After so long, it becomes your fault and not his. Honestly.

SURFACE (The Thing About Beauty)

Please pay attention to what I’m about to say here. “Don’t ever…let a man SEE HOW…you put yourself together.” I am definitely NOT saying that women should be made up at all times –I am NOT saying sleep in your make up. What I am saying….is that whenever you need to put on makeup or get your Hair done…DO NOT let your man watch you do it (or watch it being done). It’s a psychological thing. It takes away from your mystery and allure. You want to be open and honest with a man–but you also want to keep some sense of mystery and wonder about yourself. Vanishing with a “plain face” and then re-emerging with a glam face causes a Mental Blink with men (they’re visual creatures).  Keep that.

One thing I HATE about “Black Women”—they will sit up in the beauty parlor chair getting a “Weave” and let their man watch. Or press and curl.  Just as sassy and demure; boisterous. Letting their Man watch them get their hair done. Or at home–they will let their man sit there and watch them wash and blow dry; watch them get braids or extensions. One of the quickest ways to have a man LEAVE YOU (other than getting pregnant) is to sit up like some stupid Olive Oyl letting him WATCH HOW you put yourself together!

Granted–many women’s husbands watch them get their hair done; put on makeup. But as well, most women’s husbands have mistresses who are more interesting than the wife and cheat on their women “from time to time.” (Fuck what the wives claim and tell you–men, in general, cheat.  Like Bette Midler said: They do it; they do it; they do it.)

But listen girls… You know what men think when they see a woman, any woman–could be Angelina Jolie–but you know what men “subconsciously” think as they watch you get your hair did–watch you put on make up??  They think: “She ain’t all that–she’s not that interesting anymore–I want to find out who that new chick is.”

I don’t EVER let men watch me put myself together–unless it’s my brothers or my father. For Psychological reasons—make the man “constantly curious” by refusing to let him see HOW you put yourself together.  He’ll start to realize that he’s seen all his other women put themselves together–but never you.

YOU stand out. And if you’re a Black girl in America—you damn well better. You could be “considered” the Ugly girl on your block; but Sister, LEARN to STAND OUT no matter what you’re working with. The main thing about beauty and looks….is that you always, always…strive to look like yourself.

A good many men are “superficial, insecure.” This is a LOOK-CENTRIC society where so many people aren’t aware that there’s 2 things that can’t be detected with the naked eye (beauty and love).  People think they can actually SEE…when in reality, we are all maimed and disfigured by Prejudice and Social Construct, Beauty itself being one of the world’s biggest Social Constructs next to RACE. In fact, I call it Beauty Evil in my books, because we actually think with the naked eye that we can truly see beauty.

We abuse and destroy so many who really are beautiful, but aren’t recognized for it, because the idea of what is beautiful is an inhumanly narrow ledge. So that’s the thing about beauty–it can’t guarantee that you’ll be loved, cherished or anything at all. The most beautiful Black woman is often passed up for a toothless White whale with brown oily hair, because…STATUS/Level of Whiteness overrides beauty.

SURFACE (Uncles)

When you’re dating a man and you already have children–don’t bring him around your children for a very long time (at least 3-4 months).  Schedule time to “screw” somewhere far away from your kids—or, if your kids are away from home visiting grandparents or first husband or something—that’s another decent time. (Sometimes in the “platonic friendship” Stage, it’s fine for him to meet the kids–yet again, once it becomes a romantic thing; cut that out immediately).  Don’t let men meet and interact with your kids until the two of you have gotten very, very serious. Men respect women who respect their children.


Many women let themselves go as they age…they lose vaginal power. I am ritually/tribally infibulated (muscles cut loose at birth or age 3 and stitched Tighter into cylinder shape and then Vagina lips SEWN SHUT until the marriage night….to create what African man calls “Perpetual Virgin”).  Even after babies, Infibulation does not go “loose.” You are “Perpetual Virgin” for life. Of course, my life’s work as a Womanist has been to PROTEST the horrible female circumcision/infibulation that afflicts at least 100 million African women (my country Sudan and Egypt are the world’s leaders in this ancient Islamic practice)….but I have also used my vagina to my advantage with men.  My birth mother did not allow my Clitoris to be removed in the Infibulation process and that has been a great blessing to me.

Transplanted to Western Society/Culture as a young girl…I was able to manipulate men all through my 20’s and 30’s with the outrageous lie that I was a “virgin” and that he’d be the first one getting it.  When he DID get it—I usually got lots of money and gifts; incredible respect for this sweet “virtuous” African girl who never been fucked before.

Tight stuff, girls, is GOOD to have. So many Western women do themselves a favor by douching with Vinegar & Water (to get a pucker pull-in) and doing CRUNCHES…daily, 50 to 100 CRUNCHES per day).

This gives you tighter coochie, Sisters, and though it is work, there are intimate moments when you’ll be glad you put in time. Of course, you have to get a dildo and practice USING your tightened stomach muscles to make your vagina “GRIP.” If you can master “gripping” with your vagina–you’ll have power that a lot of other women don’t have.  Men love it when their penis “arm wrestles” with the vagina.

Once you pass 40 and have had babies…the time that most women complain of being “way too loose,” you might consider going to a Doctor and having your vagina RE-Tightened. It is a safe surgical process and many women are starting to do it.

I’m not saying that you should…I’m just saying that a Tight Tiny Pussy is not something that all the other girls at the office or on the subway are likely to have going for them. Men like tight little holes because Psychologically it makes them feel so BIG and dominating—and it feels really silky good when it’s gripping their staff. 


Some women prefer having their freedom and getting their needs met by someone else’s hubby….and though my fondest memories are the 10 years I spent as a “Housewife”….I’ve done even more time with men as a “Mistress.” Of course CHRISTIAN and MUSLIM sisters don’t consider being a mistress as “having a man“–to them; it’s SIN. But to me, it’s just one more arrangement that goes on between men and women in society. I once got slapped in the mouth by my Black American Adoptive Mother (a wife all her life) when I asked her: “Since almost all of these Men cheat anyway….why not be the one he’s cheating with instead of being the miserable tearful Wife bogged down with kids?

There’s still “a part of me” that feels that way. Now that women are engrained in the work force and have careers–being a man’s mistress isn’t the worst plight in the world. I really relate to the relationship Katharaine Hepburn had for so many decades with Spencer Tracy.  For the most part, their bond was much more intense than anything he had with his wife. They were intellectual and sexual partners in crime and the affair was like a “marriage with weekly holidays…plenty of space for Katharine to be the accomplished feminist icon that she was.”

What I personally like about being a man’s mistress (and I am NOT speaking about Osama Bin Laden in any of this–I am speaking about “consentual” relationships I had)….but what I liked is that I didn’t really have to put up with The Man for more than a few hours and I had my space/privacy/room to breathe and WRITE.

As a man’s MAID (Jump off/Booty Call), it’s almost purely sexual (and some women like that arrangement, too, especially when they just want to get poked by a certain guy and he’s unavailable)…but being a MISTRESS is different. It involves an intense emotional connection; a partnership of sorts—only the man is not there with you.

Christmas, birthdays, holidays in general can be miserable. And it’s very tragic if you should be stupid enough to become pregnant when you’re nothing more than the Mistress. But other than those drawbacks, it can be incredibly satisfying.

You get to share romantic meals, winning conversation and passionate sex with a man who loves you on the down low–and because he “goes home to wifey”—the two of you are always MISSING each other; you’re so glad to see each other when you reunite, which leads to passionate hugs, kisses, impatient fucking in the entrance way or on the patio.

Honestly, it can be very addictive and the “forbidden fruit” aspect usually makes the sex a raging inferno. And it IS a way of having a man–it’s just that you’re sharing him with someone else; you’re an intruder; you might be draining the spirit from his children’s situation at home—and if you are causing pain due to your relationship with this man—then KARMA will surely come back and fuck your ass up in ways you never imagined.

You could end up an old lady all alone while he and Wifey retire in solitude…or you could lay in a hospital dying of a dreadful disease and wondering what you ever did to deserve such agony and pain. Bitch.

That’s the only thing about that “Mistress Position.” One way or another, you pay a heavy price…eventually.

Most of the women I know doing this are White–but I have one Black sister who is an extremely wealthy executive in New York, 42 years old, and prefers having a “Harem.”   She basically has “studs” that puts up in apartments around the country and buys them cars, clothes. She has a Latino 19 year old soccer player in L.A., a gorgeous Black “thug” hunk she takes care of in Houston, another Black cutie about 18 or 19 in Atlanta, a White 22 year old driving instructor in Washington, D.C. and her “Primary Man”–a 33 year old Black/singer-songwriter that lives with her in Manhattan. I can’t afford it, but who knows–maybe when I’m 60 and nobody wants to fuck me anymore–I’ll be super rich by then and can afford to “treat” myself.


Sisters…in closing; I feel that I’ve given you some pretty potent tips on how to get a man guaranteed.  I’ve also shared the “mistakes” I made.  Mistakes it would be wise for you to avoid. Some of you will have to read my Tips twice for all that I’ve told you to really sink in and be “adaptable” to your own life and personality. But trust me, my way works–I’ve always had plenty of men; plenty of choices–and I’m not a great beauty or a Babe…but then again, I’m BETTER, because I know how to work what I got.

Above all sisters (and this is the Cherry on top of a woman)….make it your ambition to be a woman who is About something.”

It’s the greatest most crucial aspect of the human dynamic–that we not just exist and survive, but that as time progresses forward, we are “About something”that’s not SURFACE; not materialistic; not covetous or self-destructive. Our goal is to be “fully developed” as human beings. And if you really want a MAN and to have something special with him–then it would do you good to “have your own back; financially, spiritually and emotionally” and to be about something.

That way, if you end up alone…you’ll still be happy!


About Kola Boof

Kola Boof is a Sudanese Best-Selling Author of The Sexy Part Of The Bible and Diary of a Lost Girl. She is also a tele vision writer with Sony/NBC . . . former Muslim, PRO-ISRAEL.

1 Comment

  1. Charles P. Pelham
    October 6, 2019 / 7:58 am

    Very interesting article Kola. Thank you.

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